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[Silent the Spontaneous]

Jacob's Orbits Gum

“Bella.” We were standing on the beach. Bella looked as beautiful as ever, silhouetted against the horizon.

“I love you.” I said with conviction. A slow smile spread across my face. “I think I always have loved you.” I stared at her straight in the eye, not wanting her to misunderstand. “I’m telling you this now because I want you to choose me over him.” Him refers to Edward Cullen aka Bella’s current boyfriend and the filthy leech who broke my Bella’s heart and stole her from me twice before.

“Jacob,” Bella looked horrified. “I can’t, Jake. I only love you like a brother. I love him.”

“You can lean not to love him and to love me instead.”

“I- I can’t! We’ve already established that you have not imprinted on me. Can’t you learn not to love me?”

”No.” I said stubbornly, taking a sneaky step toward her. “It’s not that easy. You’re not someone I can just get over Bella. But don’t worry. As long as you’re heart still beats and there is still a chance I will fight him for you.”

“My heart beats are already numbered, Jake.”

”All the more reason to fight harder.” I grabbed her chin with one hand and put the other on her back, pulling her toward me.

“No!” She gasped but it was too late.

I pressed my lips to hers. This was the first kiss of me life, the best kiss of my life. This must be what heaven feels like. It was perfect. It was the moment I had been waiting for and yet…

Bella’s hands were trying to push my face back.

Anger flared in me. She was ruining it.

I kissed her more furiously, roughly.

Then, suddenly, she stopped. Her hands fell to her sides; everything relaxed.

I pulled back to examine her face.

Blank.

I kissed her again.

No reaction.

And again.

No responce.

A forth time. A fifth time.

I stopped, realizing I was not changing her mind.
”Are you finished?” She asked, emotionless.

I sighed. “Yes.”

“Good.” She said, then-. SMACK!

“OW! OW! OW!” She screamed. “Damn it, Jake! You broke my hand!”

I wanted to tell her that she broke her own hand, but I was suddenly distracted by a woman, dressed all in white, who had suddenly appeared beside me.

She had curled blonde hair and a huge smile plastered across her face. She posed with a …pack of gum?
”Who the hell are y-!?” I began but she was already speaking in an annoyingly high pitched voice.

“Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbits new Peppermint chews!” She handed Bella a piece of gum.

Bella accepted it with her working hand and popped it into her mouth. She chewed it briefly and then smiled hugely. Her teeth glittered brightly.

“Wait!” I said, looking at the woman. “Are you saying that I made Bella’s mouth dirt-?”

“Fabulous!” She shouted, making me jump. She waved her hand as she said it and positioned herself into another pose.

I kind of wanted to break that hand too.

“What are you implyin-?”

“For a good clean feeling- No matter what!” She glanced at me coldly.

“I KNEW IT!” I screamed.

[Silent the Spontaneous]

Wii Would Like To Play With Emmet

Okay, so on Friday I, Emmett Cullen, was hanging out in the '(not-quite)-living room' ,as I like to call it, alone. I was really lonely because no one would come out of their rooms to play with me. Carlisle was working. Esme was Esmeing...(in other words-doing whatever pointless activity that happens to pop into her mind). Edward was probably listening to his music or talking to Bella. Rosalie was out getting a manicure and pedicure (Esme got her a gift card for Christmas) Alice was trying on her new clothes even though they would all definitely fit and Jasper was doing yoga (he always was a little queer).

So anyway, I was flipping mindlessly through our channels when suddenly I heard the crunch of gravel that signaled that a car was pulling up our driveway.

CARLISLE IS HOME! I thought ecstatically as I rushed to the window, but instead of seeing Carlisle's usual black Mercedes S55 AMG there was a small black and white bug. PUNCHBUGGY! I thought and was immediately disappointed that no one was around to punch.

The car doors opened and two Japanese men stepped out. They walked straight up onto the porch and knocked on our door.

I ran to the door and opened it before they had time to blink.

"I don't want any cookies." I told them and slammed the door in their faces. Stupid girl scouts...

After a few moments they knocked again.

I opened the door again. "I am catholic." I told them and closed the door again. Annoying Jehovah's Witness...

Another knock.

I rolled my eyes, opening the doors again. "Fine, I'm atheist, you caught me. Now will you leave me alone?"

They both smiled at me...creepy. Then they bowed and held up a small chubby white stick. "Wii would like to play." The one said with a heavy accent but I barely heard him.

"Oh! I wondered where I put the television remote! Thanks random Japanese guys!" I snatched up my remote and slammed the door.

Wait! This did not look a thing like my remote!

Knock knock.

I opened the door for what I hoped would be the last time.

The Japanese dudes bowed again. "Wii would like to play." This time techno sounding music erupted from all around me.

"What is this?" I asked. "What do you want to play?"

"Wii would like to play."

"Is that all you say?"

"Wii would like to play."

I considered them closely. They were definitely not vampires. Just ordinary humans...who wanted to play ... something.

They continued to smile.

"Okay, come on in.'

I mean, what could be the harm of letting two strangers into the house?

They walked swiftly through the doorway and, before I could say 'make yourselves at home', they walked into the (not-quite)-living room and sat down on the couch.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" I thought about our limited supply of food and drink and wondered what we had. Bella was the only one who ever ate anything around here. "I think we have brown pop."

They looked at me blankly. Okay...

"Wii would like to play" One finally said. Yeah...I heard already.

Once again music came from absolutely nowhere. Maybe Edward had turned his radio up too high...but since when did Edward listen to that kind of music.

"Okay. What do you want to play? I have Monopoly ... Scrabble... Trouble... Halo 3..." I trailed off as they stared at me. Something told me they would not want to play Halo...

"Wii would like to play.''

They both held out white controllers identical to my 'remote' and a white box. A video game!

"Okay then! We can play that!''

As I bent to plug it in a voice behind me said "Idiot.''

I spun around and pointed an accusing finger at the one on the right. ''Aha! You speak!''

Again they gave me blank looks. ''Wii would like to play.''

''I heard you!'' I gasped and then gave up. ''Do you know what- nevermind.''

They still just stared.

I covered the uncomfortable silence by turning on the small box.

"Hey, anyone who cares!" I yelled. ''I'm down here playing a video game with two random Japanese guys.'' There was a dead silence.

Well, I guess no one cares.

Something popped up on the screen. Wii Sports. It read. Okay, I can roll with this. Press A. The screen commanded. I looked at the controller and pressed the white button. Then a list of sports popped up. This was cool.

''How do I click?'' I asked the Japanese guys.

One stood up and moved my arm up and down. The little hand on the screen moved also.

Carefully, I moved it up to the first game on the list and clicked. Tennis. Shoot, I hate tennis.

A little creature popped up on the screen. I was so focused on thinking about how cute it is that I totally missed the first ball.

I looked at the shorter of the two who had helped me before.

''What buttons do I push?'' I asked.

The man waved his arm like he was hitting an invisible ball.

I repeated the motion and the cute little creature mimicked me. I was so caught up in watching my little dude-creature swing that I also missed the next ball also.

''Oh.'' I said. 'So...I have to move?''

My new friends bowed.

''What's the point? I could just go outside & hit around a ball, instead of standing here playing with this...this...Wii.''

Buzz.

A fly hovered directly above my head. But this was not just any old fly! This fly was a demon fly whose solitary purpose in life was to make me miserable...and he had been succeeding at it for a month now. Gritting my teeth and focusing entirely on the buzzing little insect, I swung at it with my remote.

What I did not realize was that my timing was perfect. My little Wii creature's racket flew through the air simultaneously with my own hand, smacking the ball and earning my side a point. Completely forgetting about the fly, who was quickly retreating to its lair ( which I had been searching for for a good five days), I turned my attention to the creature that was leaping victoriously around the screen. ''Hey! This game is fun!''

The music came back stronger than ever.

''EMMETT!" Edward stormed into the room ''What is that horrible music!?''

''It was not me this time, Edward.' I said. ''It was these two strangers I let in.''

Edward stared at them for a moment, a stupid look on his usually not stupid looking face. "Emmett-kitchen-now!" He finally gasped.

''Okey dokey artichokey!'' I agreed happily, skipping into the kitchen behind him.

''Where the hell did you find these guys?'' Edward asked me in a low voice.

''On our doorstep!''

''Emmett, we are the Cullens!

You don't just find humans on our doorstep! They stay away!'' He hissed.

Edward can be such a drama queen!

''And I can't read their minds.'' Edward finally admitted.

Oh! I get it! The metaphorical clouds cleared as I realized why Edward had suddenly become Little Miss. Pissy Pants. When he could not read Bella's he had acted like this too. As I said, drama queen.

I smiled evilly. I could use this against him! ''You can't?''

''Well...'' He looked uncertain. ''When I try all I can hear is 'Wii would like to play' 'Wii would like to play'. A couple times I thought I heard the words 'idiot' and 'stupid' and 'oaf' but I can't be sure.''

''Oh yeah. That’s normal for them!'' I assured him. ''But you have to play the awesome game that they brought with them!''

''Um...is it what is making that horrible music?''

''No. The music mysteriously comes from the walls!''

Edward was silent for a moment. ''Well I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I mean...we are vampires...how can it get any weirder than that!?''

''Exactly what I thought.''

Edward looked uneasy for a moment before walking back out into the living room. He picked up another controller (which had mysteriously appeared in our absence) and chose the bowling button. I think he read my mind on how to work it. ''Yes, I did, Emmett.'' Yup. That is how he knew.

Edward pushed the 'A' button to skip through all the directions.

He expertly positioned his little Wii creature and let go of the ball like a pro. Spare! Popped up on the screen.

Show off...

Player 2. OH! That's me!

Time for me to show Eddy-poo how it's done...

I pulled back my arm and swung it up violently.

My little Wii creature threw its own ball straight up in the air. It landed with a thud and stood very still for a few moments before rolling straight to the left and into the gutter. Gutterball! The screen announced cheerfully.

Edward snickered. "Is that even possible!?"

"This game is rigged!" I said, angrily.

Edward sneezed but it sounded suspiciously like "AHHHSore loserCHOOOO!"

"Bless you!" I said. "Lets try another game."

The main menu thing came up.

"Boxing!" I screamed and Edward clicked on it.

A notice popped up with a slight ping.

This game requires numchucks.

"I'll go get mine from my room!" I said brightly.

Edward stared. "You have numchucks?" He asked weakly.

"Yup!" I confirmed. "I bought 'em online last week!"

"Why...?"

"Cause everyone should own at least one pair of numchucks!"

"Well, Emmett, as facinating as it is that you actually own numchucks, I think they mean fake numchucks."

The Japanese guys nodded.

"Cool! Life sized bobble heads!" Alice said, bouncing into the room.

"They aren't bobble heads! They are Japanese!" I corrected. Everybody knew bobble heads lived in Russia...

Edward stared at me for a few moments. "They brought us a Wii Gaming System. It's kind of easy. I'll beat it in a week." He told Alice.

"Well good because I'll bet this thing breaks before next year..." Alice said, hintingly.

"WHAT A RIP OFF!" Edward and I both yelled and threw both Japanese men and there Wii out the door.

I suddenly remembered why I hated door to door sales men.

[Silent the Spontaneous]

The Cullens' Geico Interveiw

The Cullens sat clustered around in folded chairs, looking a little confused.

Edward Cullen sat on the far left, reading the minds of everyone around him with a bemused expression.

Jasper Cullen sat beside him, whistling softly as he picked pieces of wet grass off his boots.

Emmett Cullen sat behind them. He tried to keep his mind clear as he plotted ways to annoy Edward.

Alice and Rosalie Cullen sat beside him, whispering softly to each other. The main topic of gossip today was Bella's new hair cut. Alice found it cute while Rosalie made fun of it mercilessly.

A teenage girl sat beside them, tapping her feet nervously against the metal legs of her chair. She quickly flipped her short brown hair out from behind her ear to shield her face. A randomly placed blue streak in her hair caught Jasper's attention (he had always been a fan of unrealistic colored hair).

He leaned forward to look around Edward at her. "Who is she?" He whispered.

Edward shook his head, "No idea..."

The girl shot them an amused glance through blue eyes.

Suddenly Emmett leaned forward and poked Edward's right shoulder.

Edward, thinking it was the strange girl, shot her a dirty look. "What?"

She looked over at him, surprised. "What...what?"

"Why did you poke me?" He asked impatiently.

"I didn't!" She said indignantly, blushing in a way that would have put Bella to shame.

"I already have a girlfriend."

The girl's eyebrows came together in confusion. "I don't doubt that..."

Before they could say anything else to each other a mysterious voice came from nowhere.

"Syd is a real Geico customer, not a celebrity. So, to help her tell her story, we have hired the Cullens, real celebrities."

"It was a rainy Tuesday morning and I was driving to school." The girl, Syd, began.

"It's always rainy in Forks, bitch." Rosalie muttered.

Syd stared at Rosalie for a few moments before shaking her head and continued. "I might have been going a little fast."

"I bet I could go faster." Edward said boldly.

"I bet you can't." Syd countered, then continued.

"I lost control and crashed into a wall. It was a pretty ugly accident."

"I bet it wasn't as ugly as these bites." Jasper said, pulling up his sleve to show her the bites from the newborn vampires.

"Nope...not quite that ugly..." Syd said scooting away a little.

"The Geico workers answered the phones even at that hour."

"They work 24/7...we would know." Rosalie added.

"They were kind and understood my problem."

"A lot kinder than a cave of irritated grizzley bears." Emmett said.

"They had someone out in only 5 minutes to tow my car. They also gave me a ride home."

"I drive Bella-" Edward said, then looked at Syd and clarified, "My girlfriend to school and home every day...and I don't get my own commercial-ish thing for it. I feel cheated."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you life isn't fair?" Syd said, sighing.

Edward stared at her. "I believe I have heard that some where before..."

"Geico paid for the damage and had me back on the road the next day."

"Maybe you should get a more reliable car..." Edward advised. "Like a Volvo..." He paused. "Silver is always nice..."

"And how do you propose I pay for such a vehicle?" Syd said, staring at him.

"Erm. I'll buy it..." He offered.

"Oh! Okay then!" Syd said sarcastically. "That solves that problem!"

"Wow! You're a lot easier than my girlfriend!" Edward said happily.

Syd stared at him in disgust.

"Oh!" Edward's eyes widdened. "I meant to buy stuff for! Not...anything else."

"You do know that I'm not going to actually let you buy me a car." She pointed out.

"Darn! What is it with teenage girls and gifts!" Edward said angrily.

"You can buy me stuff!" Alice said brightly, looking like she was just trying to be nice. Suddenly her eyes went glassy. "I predict that a random geico logo will appear in three...two...one..."

A large, floating Geico logo appeared in front of them.

"What's holding it up?" Syd asked.

Everyone shrugged.

Jasper reached out with one long finger and poked it. It jiggled a little but did not fall. "That's odd..."

Again Alice's eyes went dead. "Catch phrase in three...two...one..."

"Geico. Real savings. Real service."

[Silent the Spontaneous]

Rosalie's Cadilac

At midnight Emmett interupted my watching of Legally Blonde 2 with an 'urgent' question.

"Rose, can I go get ice cream?"

"Uh...I'm not your mother; I'm your wife. You can do whatever you want. You can eat all the icecream in the world. Just be prepared to cough it all back up later." I looked back at the TV, although my focus had been lost.

There was a tapping of fingernails on wood. I looked up to find Emmett was still there.

"Will you go with me?"

I sighed. "Okay."

"Yay!" He sang, skipping out the door.

I followed him with less enthusiasm, snatching up my purse on the way out the door.

He bounded across the front lawn.

"Where are we going to get ice cream at this hour?" I asked him, catching sight of my reflection in one of the black windows of the house. I pivoted slightly on the spot. Did these jeans make my butt look huge or what? It's just the glass, I told myself. The stupid, warped glass.

"Dairy Queen!" He answered brightly.

"Who, besides you, would want icecream at midnight?" I asked sourly.

"Dairy Queen is a magical place that caters to the cravings of pregnant women, vegitarian vampires and some Norweigen super models." He told me as he waited for me to catch up outside the garage. "All three of whom prefer to indulge in these cravings after midnight."

I had given up on Emmett making sense many, many years ago. Now I just smiled and nodded. Whatever you say Emmett...

I walked straight into the garage and unlocked my Convertable..

I looked up to find Emmett hovering beside his new car, a 2008 Cadillac CTS.

"Can we take Victoria?" He asked, stroaking the vehicle that he had decided should be named Victoria.

I sighed. "Sure." I started to walk towards the drivers side door but Emmett blocked me.

"Can I drive?"

"Sure." That was my new answer to everything.

He jumped in, looking estatic. I climbed into the passenger's side. Wow, this is fun, I thought sarcastically.

He turned the key and pulled out looking like he was about to explode with joy. Sometimes I just don't understand him.

I rolled my eyes, gazing out the window.

That's when the strange crap started popping up. Multi-colored balls of light were circling around our car, leaving trails of sparkling color to trail behind them.

"Do you see those?" I asked Emmett but he did not answer.

We drove straight into a long tunnel, darting around other cars...but since when was there a tunnel on the way to Dairy Queen?

Suddenly Emmett was talking to me. "With today's luxury cars, the question isn't about the available features like a 40 gig hard drive (whatever that means) or a sunroof. It isn't if the car has a pop up GPS navigation map screens or extra large cup holders for those huge iced teas that they sell at McDonalds. It doesn't even matter if they have mini television screens in the back that constantly play Spongebob re-runs for your kids or bullet and missle proof glass. No, the real question is- when you turn your car on..." Emmett said in a slightly high pitched voice, trying to flip his hair around. "Does it return the favor?"

I stared at him. "What?!"

He veered to the right, spinning across 4 lanes of traffic and into the Dairy Queen drive through lane.

"Hello, can I take your order?" A muffled voice asked through the speakers.

"Yes, I'd like a hamburger, 3 double cheeseburgers, a cookie dough blizzard, 3 sides of fries, a large Coke, not a Pepsi, a M&M blizzard, and one of those blizzards with all the brownie and chocolate stuff in it."

There was a silence.

"Is that all, Sir?" The voice asked sarcastically.

"Do you want anything?" Emmett asked me. I shook, my head.

"Oh!" Emmett seemed to remember something. "Do you have chopsticks here?"

"No. We have spoons and forks."

"Yes, but do you have sporks?"

"No, sir."

Emmett looked upset as he turned to me. "We have sporks and chopsticks at home, right?"

I nodded.

He looked considerably happier. "That's all then!"

We pulled up and Emmett handed the lady a few bills. She looked shocked to see just the two of us. "Hungry?"

"Nope." Emmett told her. "Just cravin' some DQ!"

The lady at the next window handed out bag after bag of food.

"It's a DQ-palooza!" Emmett yelled back to her as he drove away. We sped back onto the road. "When you eat your DQ..." Emmett said, "Does it return the favor?"

"That doesn't even make sense, Emmett." I told him.

"Doesn't it...?"

"What is that?"

Words were rising out of the fog in front of us. The All New 2008 Cadillac CTS. Life Liberty and the Pursuit

"Hey! The fog is talking about Victoria!"

[Silent the Spontaneous]

Bella's AT&T Answering Machine

"Beeeeeep. Hey! This is Bella Swan's phone! Bella does't have AT&T, therefore; she gets zero bars out here at First Beach in La Push."

I smiled sarcatically and made a motion behind me at the vast expance of rocky beach.

"So, go ahead god-like, wonderful, mysterious Edward Cullen! Keep calling about wanting to see me this weekend! Keep calling to tell me that you are coming home from your 'camping trip'" I made finger quote

around the two words, " early because you love me and can't stand to be away from me. Keep calling to inform me that you actually want to tell me your secret! No, I don't need to know any of this right now." My voice was thick with sarcasm.

"Little miss. Nancy Drew here-"

I motioned behind me to two people sitting on a washed up piece of wood.

The first was me, only a stressed, worried version. The other Bella's cheeks were red from embarrassment as she tried ameturely to flirt with the second person.

Jacob Black, a local native american teenager, was sitting beside her. He was accepting her flirting with a strange adoration. He was currently in the middle of telling the other Bella a native american legend about wolves and people called 'cold ones'.

I sighed, cutting off in the middle of my sentence to shake my head. "Little Miss. Nancy Drew here will just keep on searching for the truth by herself. It's not like she really needs your help, right? She's well on her way to figuring everything out the hard way. Then she'll be upset because you didn't tell her and that will put a whole new strain on this already stressful relationship. Sure, we could be out in a restaurant somewhere by now, chatting about your history and-" I coughed, "Species. But, no. Where's the fun in that, right? Here I am with little Jacob. A little flirting never hurt anyone, right?" I glanced back at the couple. "You would think. But just wait until in the future when this 'innocent little flirting' will turn into a big rift in our relationship. I'll cry every night because I won't be sure who I love. It will all be because of this outing!" I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

I stared back at the two ignorant fools. "Hello! Answer the goddam phone!" I screamed.

Neither of them flinched or made any additional sign that they had heard me.

I tried the breathing thing again, glancing back every few seconds to make sure nothing besides talking was going on.

Suddenly I saw a blond head coming our way. "Oh look!" I pointed to the approaching figure, displaying a false smile for no one's benefit. "Here comes Mike! Now it's a party!"

[Silent the Spontaneous]

Alice's HeadOn

I pinched the bridge of my nose, scrunching up my face and hoping that no one was watching. Ugh! Stop the pain! I curled my legs up to my chest on my seat on the steps.

Stupid werewolves. Stupid Bella's baby creature. Stupid half-breeds.

I breathed out slowly with a little growl.

This place was going down hill fast. From bad to worse...to worst...to disaster.

First Edward found Bella, which was good for him but was it good for the rest of us? Yes, in the sense that Eddy-poo is no longer dampening the good vibes of the Cullen household by being completely depressed about his existence. No, in the sense that...well, Bella is human!

The situation got worse when Bella found out about our -cough- situation and then our little St. Edward decided it would be 'immoral' for us to change her. So what does Eddy do? Run away! Then we had that traumatic situation where Bella 'died', and our little melodramatic lover boy, Edward, goes to commit suicide (he really just should have been committed), before we could figure out Bella was, in fact, NOT DEAD. Bella and I had to go to Italy and save Edward’s skinny butt from our cheerful Italian friends (and no, I do not mean the mafia).

Edward and Bella promptly got back together. Happily ever after, right?

Ha. No.

In out absence, Bella made friends with our freak of nature neighbors at La Push, the werewolves. She and the one Kugo kind of had a ‘thing’ for each other.

But it all turned out okay after Bella and Edward settled on the ‘Terms and Conditions’ of their agreement which is basically a written contract stating the order of ‘things’. Things meaning marriage, sex, vampire, college/car. They finally decided on marriage first and, better yet, THEY MADE ME THE MAID OF HONOR! So, Bella and Edward had a marvelous wedding (did I mention I was the maid of honor…) and went on a honeymoon on our island. Happily ever after, right?

Ha. No.

I never even saw the growth in her abdomen coming…and no, I do not mean a tumor. Now, making worse go to worst, Bella flat out refuses to abort her little parasite and her condition is rapidly deteriorating.

Making worst change to disaster, you should see what she’s wearing. Clashing colors, much?

God, I’m grouchy.

I opened my eyes a bit and found what I was looking for. Jacob Black, Bella’s little were-friend, was lingering in the hall beside the living room, obviously unsure of what to do.

I whistled. "Heeeere puppy puppy puppy!"

Jacob looked up automatically then realized what he had just done and scowled. His tanned cheeks darkened as he looked away.

"Seriously, Scooby! Come here!"

He hesitated then shuffled a little closer. "What?"

"Will you sit down?" I asked him. Even with him just a little bit closer I felt the pressure lessen.

He sat out of curiosity, long legs stretching down several steps. "Head-ache? I didn't think vamps got headaches."

I nodded. "Supernatural strange headaches, Kugo. The fetus thing is messing with my vision. I can't see a thing around Bella."

He frowned. "Is that normal?"

I looked at him incredulously. "You still use the word normal?"

He smiled a little, understanding.

Bella’s voice rang clearly from the living room, “See Eddy! My little nudger likes the sound of your voice!”

Edward groaned.

“Delusional.” Jacob explained softly.

“Oh.” I said simply then continued, "Having you here is nice though...like a supernatural kind of aspirin."

“Well at least now I’m helping in some way.” He muttered. “I feel completely usel-“ He froze. “Who is that.”

Suddenly a woman appeared in the hall and walked toward us, rubbing what looked to be a stick of deodorant on her forehead. How did she get in?

"Can I help you?"

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead." She told us.

"What?" Jacob and I both said at once.

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead."

"Is it medicine?" I asked.

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead."

We stared at her and she continued to apply the deodorant like stuff.

"If it's medicine it won't help." I told her. "Medications and all of those things don't work on me."

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead."

"I'm a vampire." I tried to scare her away.

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead."

"No-no-worky." I used baby talk and sign language this time in case she was simple.

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead."

"Dude, we get it!" Jacob shouted at her. "You apply it to the forehead! Big deal!"

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead."

Jacob and I both stood up menacingly. Well, Jacob looked menacing height-wise. I probably looked a little wimpy.

"This girl is a horrifying, hard-core vampire!" Jacob said pointing at me. "She's gonna eat you for a snack if you don't leave right now!"

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead."

"This boy here is a bad-ass werewolf! He's going to go full moon on your butt if you're not out of here in five seconds!"

"Go full moon on your butt..." Jacob considered that line under his breath. "Kind of weird sounding...but a good line."

"Head-on. Apply directly to the forehead." She sounded almost hesitant. Almost.

"I'm going to give you to the count of five you get out."

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead."

"One...Two...Three...Four..." I hesitated and glanced at Jacob. He looked unsure.

"Four and a half...Four and three quarters..."

"HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead." She was antagonizing me.

"That's it!" I ran the rest of the way to her.

"Head-" Was all she got out before she soured, head first, through the window.

"Hey! My headache is gone!" I informed Jacob.

He looked comparatively happier. "Yeah, But I think the HeadOn lady has one now." It was true, the lady was groaning as she sat up, rubbing her head. Jake picked up the tube of HeadOn, which had fallen to the ground when I had thrown the woman. He weighed it in his hands for a few moments before he tossed it through the already broken window.

It soared through the air gracefully before hitting the woman directly in the forehead with a hollow thunk.
”Erm.” Jacob muttered. “I so did not mean to do that.”

We were interrupted by Bella’s talking in the living room. “I’m thirsty again. Edward, will you get me some…erm, red stuff, please?”

“Sure, Bella.” Edward obliged automatically. It took only a moment before he strode into the hall. He rubbed his forehead, looking at the two of us curiously. “Ugh!” He groaned. “I have the worst headache!”

[Silent the Spontaneous]

Bella's Soy Joy

My first day at Forks High. It was, of course, as overcast as a normal Forks day when I got in my truck that morning. Because of the abysmal weather, I had to dress in my most horrid clothes, big waterproof boots, a stiff, crinkley black raincoat and jeans.

These negative things supported my prediction that this would not be a good day. I jumped into my truck and turned up the heat. Had I mentioned that it was freezing?

I pulled one of the bars Charlie had bought out of my pocket. Soy Joy... Well, a little soy was never known to hurt anyone, right?

I pulled out of the drive way. I pulled onto the highway before taking an experimental bite. Not bad...

Suddenly I saw three people on the side of the road. A two tall men with their hood up and a woman with flaming red hair. The tallest man had his thumb out. Hitch hikers!

I pulled over and rolled my window down. "Where you guys headed?"

The nearest man looked up at me with slightly glowing red eyes. "How far are you going?"

I shivered at his gaze but plowed on. "I'm going to the high school."

"Perfect." He said in a musical purr. "I'm sure we'll be able to find something to eat there."

"Erm. I don't know about there but I hear there is a wonderful Chinese place down the street."

They all stared at me blankly then got in.

"I'm Bella." I told them.

"I am Laurent." The tall one told me. "These are my companions, James and Victoria."

"Where are you from?" I asked as I drove, taking another bite of the bar.

They hesitated. "Indiana." "Alaska." "Russia." Came three different answers at once.

"Wow. From all over then!"

"Erm...yeah." Laurent agreed, shooting the other two a repremanding glare.

We pulled up outside the school.

"Eh, thanks for...erm...the ride." Laurent said awkwardly as he got out, apperantly not used to having to thank people.

"No probs!"

He elbowed the other two. "Eh, Thanks alot." "Yeah, thanks." They muttered, not looking at me.

"Good luck!" I bounded off towards school. Maybe today wasn't hoing to be too bad.

Outside were two random girls swinging a jump rope. It seemed kind of strange to me, jump roping in this weather or at this age, but maybe that was the 'in' thing for high schoolers around here.

I jumped in, jumping in time to the rope...for about two seconds.

"Ouch." I grunted. I had forgotten that I did not have the cordination skills needed for jumping.

"You okay?" A blond boy asked from above me. He had a cute round face and blue eyes.

"Yup!" I stood up quickly.

"I'm Mike."

"I'm Bella."

"Would you like me to walk you to walk you to class?"

"Sure!" Why not? I felt like I could do anything!

Including...

As we were walking I spotted a group of five students. They were all extremely good-looking but one stood out.

He was a tall boy with copper colored hair and eyes like liquid topaz. His beautiful eyes had dark bruises around them that stood out against his white skin.

"Who is that?" I asked Mike as we headed in their direction.

Mike stiffened. "That's Edward Cullen. He's an arse, though. You don't want to waste your time on him."

Part of my mind was giggling over the fact that Mike had just said 'arse'. The other part lingered on thoughts of Edward.

Edward glanced over at us with barely any interest, then did a double take, staring at us with confused, aggrivated eyes. His eyes met mine but, instead of looking away like I normally would have, I somehow found the courage to stare him down.

He looked away quickly.

"Bella?" Mike said from behind me, pointing to the left. "This is our class."

"I'll just be a minute." I told him, continuing to walk towards Edward Cullen.

We were only a couple of yards apart when he turned to me. "Hello." He said stiffly. "I'm Edward Cullen. You must be B-"

I had jumped towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his.

I had never actually kissed anyone before. I usually could barely even find the courage to talk to guys...now I was going around kissing them?

Edward Cullen did not seem to mind at all, though. He was cold and hard like marble but he smelled to sweet that I could not help drawing closer, knotting my fingers in his hair. His lips did not respond for a couple of seconds then, surprisingly, he kissed back.

I pulled away after a few moments, then turned, without looking at his beautiful face, to walk back to class.

Whole soy increases spontaneity.

A small black haired girl near me stared. "Not even I saw that one coming..." She muttered.

Soy Joy. Fortified with optimism.

[Silent the Spontaneous]

Edward's MasterCard

I smiled happily as I slid Bella’s CD into its case. She would love it. On it was recorded songs that I had composed. The first was her lullaby.

As I clicked it into the holder something strange happened.

One CD with case- 5.00 on Debit MasterCard.

I leapt up from my bed. My head snapped to each side looking for the intruder. No one was there.

My first and most reasonable thought was that I must be hearing someone’s thoughts. But I was in my room and no one in my family had this deep soothing voice.

“Jasper?” I said experimentally, “Carlisle? Emmett?”

I heard nothing unusual. Their minds buzzed only with thoughts of decorating.

It must have been my imagination; I thought soothingly, I don’t even own a Debit MasterCard.

I hesitated at this thought and reached for my wallet. Flipping through I found it. Shoot, the voice was right, I do have a MasterCard.

Carlisle randomly ran into the room at that moment.

“Did you hear it!?” I asked enthusiastically, sure that I had found a partner to share in my craziness.

He only scratched his head, puzzled. “No…I just came to give you Bella’s gift from Esme and Me.”

I took the envelope.

Two Plane Travel Tickets to Arizona. - 400.00 on Debit MasterCard.

I jumped. “Did you ear that?!”

He blinked at me. “Edward, you are the one who hears voices, not me.” With a last worried glance he swept out of the room.

I barely had time to take this in when Emmett bounded through my door.

“Hey Eddie, Just came to drop off the gift.”

It was colorfully wrapped with a huge ribbon on top.

As I took the box from him the voice spoke again.

One cardboard box, wrapping paper and ribbon - 7.00 on Debit MasterCard.

I flinched and covered it up by saying. “A cardboard box?”

Emmett snickered. “How did you know? Oh Ya! Mind reading!”

I was about to correct him but thought better of it.

“I have the car radio out of the box. I’ll install it while she opens the empty box.”

He laughed but, seeing my confused expression, stopped. “Party pooper.” He muttered and left.

My head hurt. I looked down. All I had to do was wrap the CD.

I spotted the roll of party hat pattern wrapping paper on the floor beside the bed. Gulping, I picked it up.

One roll of birthday print wrapping-

“SHUT UP, WHO EVER YOU ARE!” I yelled, drowning out the calm voice

-MasterCard.

Scowling I finished wrapping and took all the presents downstairs where Alice was decorating the man room.

She turned and smiled hugely

“eek!” she squealed. “Bella is gonna love it!”

She would know…

“Bring out the cake and set it on the table, Edward.”

It was a surprisingly big cake for there only being one person who could actually eat it. I leaned over the table to read it. Surrounded by sugared flowers and leaves were the words-‘Happy 18th Birthday Bella!’ I smiled. It was homemade by Rosalie. I would have to test it for poison before letting Bella eat it.

I picked it up. It was pretty heavy for a food item. Of course I don’t handle food often enough to know.

One chocolate cake mix and white icing- 17.00 on Debit MasterCard

I twitched and set it down on the table.

Alice looked at me worriedly. “Maybe you should go get Bella now.”

I gladly picked up Bella, who looked gorgeous as usual and tried to act casual. I held her close to me as we walked up the path to the front door. My family’s minds buzzed with excitement as I held the door open for her. As she stepped inside a huge smile lit her face and only one thing could ruin this moment for me.

Seeing your mortal girlfriend smile even when she is surrounded by blood thirsty vampires- priceless. There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else there is a Debit MasterCard.

[Silent the Spontaneous]

Esme's Singular Texting

I leaned against the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, staring disapprovingly at my children, all of which had their cell phones in hand. No one spoke. The only noise was the slight beep as a message was sent.

“Excuse me?!” I said breaking the silence.

Jasper looked up. “PIR.” He warned.

“Who cares if I am here!” I said my temper flaring. “Has anyone noticed that this is how many texts you have been sending this month.”

I held out the phone bill. They all glanced up to see it.

“NW! AUS!” Rosalie said joyfully.

“OMC! INBD!” Alice said defensively.

“Yes, it is a …a …” I had to think. “….BD?”

“I can’t see the #.” Bella said.

“INBD, Bella.” Edward said soothingly from beside her. “I’ll Txt it 2 U.”

“Who could you all be texting so much? You are vampires. You are not supposed to be ‘bff’ with humans. No offence, Bella.”

“UGH!” muttered Emmett.

“Emmett who are you texting?”

“IDK. My bff Rosalie.”

“Rosalie is right beside you! All you do any more is text. You never talk or go anywhere!”

Suddenly Edward reached out his hand and stroked Bella’s face. My heart melted. I was so happy that Bella and Edward were together.

Edward leaned over toward her and whispered. “ILY.”

Fury erupted inside of me. Edward and Bella were ruining their relationship with this obsession.

Bella giggled and whispered back. “I luv u, 2.”

“Rosalie, lets go do something together.” I said desperate to get someone away from his or her devise. “Lets go bake a pie.”

“OMC, AUS?” She said sourly. “We don’t eat.”

Oh ya.

“Alice don’t you want to give me a makeover.” I was desperate.

“No thx. May b l8r.”

Bella stood up. “I gtg. Charlie calls.”

“TTYL” Edward said never lapsing from his perfect articulation. “ILY”

“LYLAS!” Alice said cheerily.

“C ya l8r.” Bella said to everyone as she headed for the door. “TTFN, Esme.”

I sighed angrily but, as I was walking out into the kitchen, I heard a calm male voice speak.

“Now too much texting is something the whole family can NJOY. Cingular brings you unlimited texting. Just 5 more a month.”

[Silent the Spontaneous]

Bella's RAZR

“I am going to get as close as possible and then you are going to run in the direction that I point you.” Alice muttered eyes on the road that was speeding backwards under us. I nodded, too afraid to say anything. “Just try not to trip or fall or anything. We don’t have time to spare.”

That would be just my luck, falling and getting a concussion when I needed to be at the clock tower.

My foot tapped nervously against the side of the door. The clock was speeding up, going far too fast. Minutes were transforming into seconds. The glowing digital numbers were flashing.

“You have two minutes. We are at the southern end of the square. Run straight across to the bell tower. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

The car slowed.
”Now run Bella!” A sudden alarm was in her voice. We were running out of time.

Without turning to look at her, with out even thinking I flung myself into the crowd.

The plaza was wider than I had thought and as I ran I suddenly understood Alice’s panic. This was impossible. The plaza was jam packed with people dressed up like ‘vampires’.

As I ran all kinds of obstacles hindered me.

The ancient cobblestones making up the street were uneven and I kept loosing my balance.

I got caught in the crowds plastic ‘vampire capes’ also.

Tripping and stumbling I pushed my way through the dense crowd.

Alarmed and angry faces jumped out at me as I pushed past.

An old man with gray hair and a walker shouted something in French as I pushed past what I guessed would be his granddaughter to one side.

A young American man actually pushed me back. He looked at me challengingly as if he though we were going to fight it out but I did not have time for that.

I pushed through a few people and came and came to a shadowy part of the plaza. I moved to push past a tall man in a cloak but he did not budge. As he turned to look at me I saw that his eyes were that sickening color of red

He was one of them.

Run! My mind commanded and I obeyed suddenly noticing that they were everywhere. Lounging in the corners and working the shadowy stands, all in shadows.

The one nearest me sniffed turning. Either he had smelled that Alice had touched me or my sweet blood. Neither boded well for me.

I bolted into the crowd just as he took a step towards me. He could not touch me in a crowd could he?

But all my worries for my own safety disappeared as I looked up at the bell tower.

With one final click both hands stretched up towards the blood red sun. It was noon.

“No!” I screamed and everyone around me stared as, gasping and sweating I pushed through the crowd.

This could not be happening. If I did not make it in time I did not know what I would do.

That was when I saw how close I was to the clock tower. Happy tears leaked from my squinting eyes as I bounded into the shadows. Two parents pulled their child closer to them as another girl in a red dress tugged on her mother’s sleeve and pointed to me.

I walk into the darkness and casually pulled out my light pink razr cell phone. I pushed one on speed dial. “Can you hear me now?” I said calmly. “Gooood.” I flipped the cell phone shut and calmly walked back across the plaza.